A Letter to My Little One

Dear Little One,

From the moment you announced your presence as the word “Pregnant” fluttered onto the tiny screen of the test I held in my shaking hand, my world was forever changed. We had dreamed of you for so long, but I didn’t really truly expect you to come so soon. I crumpled to the floor, looked up through the window at the dark grey sky, and whispered two words. “Thank You”.

 Just hours later when I held your Daddy’s hand and led him out onto the dock where he asked me to marry him only a couple of years ago, my heart pounded so loud I was sure he would hear it. I knelt down and pulled out a small case. “I have a question to ask you. Will you be a daddy?” As his eyes flashed from confusion to shock to joy, I opened the case the reveal the test. Instantly he was on his knees on that dock, his hands cradling my belly where you were growing just beneath my skin. He held me and we prayed, as we thanked the Lord for the spectacular gift that is you.

I imagine you sometimes in the middle of the night. I hope you have your daddy’s nose. I picture you with tiny blond wisps of hair like your daddy, my elfish ears, and the sparkly blue eyes that both your mommy and daddy share.

I can’t wait to meet you, baby mine. I love you.

Waiting for you,

Mama

Six Weeks

Pregnancy has hit. And it’s hit hard.

I thought I was okay in the beginning, just a little extra tired but feeling pretty fantastic overall. After a conversation with my midwife who gave me the green light, I decided to go ahead with my plans to hop a plane with my best friend and jet up to Michigan for another close friend’s wedding, followed by a road trip back down south, zigzagging across the east coast to visit friends and pick up stored belongings.

I kissed my husband goodbye, he kissed the belly, and I skipped off to security feeling great about my upcoming adventure. We boarded the plane and found it half empty, so I scored an entire row of seats and stretched out for a nap all the way to Michigan.

But then… we landed. The plane took off to some other airport, and with it flew away my dreams of an easy first trimester. I sat down in the middle of the crowded terminal and tried to stop the world from spinning away from me while simultaneously scanning the walls for bathroom signs in case I lost my breakfast. I stayed down for quite awhile. People stared, my friend tried to move me out of the traffic, but it was not happening. I was glued to that floor, and I knew if I got up the world would crash down around me.

Since then things have not improved. The smell of food (almost any food) cooking sends me running for the bathroom, which is even more sucky when you are staying in a home with twenty people from whom you’re trying to hide the pregnancy. I get dizzy all the time, and it seems like I need about eighteen hours of sleep a day.

I’ve still got a wedding and a long road trip ahead, so we’ll see if I survive. Until then, rest assured that the first trimester is indeed exactly as reported by every pregnancy book – exhausting, nauseating, and icky.

But despite all of that, I’m still happy. Because every time I run to the bathroom or grab a wall as the room starts spinning, I am reminded that this little baby growing inside me is very, very real. 

Five Weeks

How far along?: Five weeks.

Baby is the size of: An apple seed.

Total weight gain/loss: No change.

Symptoms: Not much! I’m more tired than usual, but no nausea or major symptoms of any sort. Lucky me!

Food Cravings: Frozen fruit. I eat a bowl of frozen berries, peaches, and pineapples every night.

Anything Making Me Queasy or Sick: Not really.

Sleep: All the time. J

What I miss: Soft serve ice cream.

Wedding rings On or Off: On.

Movement: Not yet.

Maternity Clothes?: Nope!

Labor Signs: Nope!

Best Moment of the Week: Touring the beautiful birth center and meeting one of the midwives!

A Little Something

I have a little something to tell you. And by little, I mean about the size of a poppyseed.

It’s been a blessedly short but emotional journey to where we are now, and we are very excited for the roller coaster ride of the next nine months (or perhaps the next 18 years!).